The Journey

Yesterday, I had the great privilege to go to a funeral.  It was for my best friend's field hockey coach that died a few weeks ago.  I went to support my best friend as this was a long time mentor in her life and after whom she named one of her daughters.  She was beloved by so many people and had touched so many lives throughout her short 58 years.  While funerals are not always at the top of my list - it truly was an honor and blessing to be there.  Attending a funeral is almost as intimate as attending a birth because this life we are given is such a gift. After all, a funeral is a reflection and snapshot of a person's time here on earth.

Because I only knew this woman through stories and through the ways she had changed my best friend, I was able to sit back and truly just listen and hear the heart of every person that was speaking about her.  They talked about how when she was diagnosed in the spring with pancreatic cancer, she decided that this was a journey and how she was going to surround herself with people to go for the ride.  As they shared about weekly times of laughter, prayer, tears and sorrow - it made me think about our journey.

How many of us are on life's journey and do not surround ourselves until we are in a situation of crisis?    How many of us do not sit and just enjoy one another until we realize time is about to run out?

There is nothing wrong with waiting, but we all miss out.  We all say we are "busy" but aren't we just busy filling our time?!

I used to do this statement with the youth group and ask them how they would feel if they knew that someone in the room was dying.  I would ask how they would change what they were doing.  Of course there were many answers of how they would appreciate one another.  Then they would ask me who was dying and I would tell them that all of them were dying.  It is true!

We do not know what today holds let alone tomorrow.  While this may sound like an extreme, we should be living like we have Cancer and start a new journey today.  We should surround ourselves with people that can go along our journey to laugh and cry with us.  Why do most of us wait?
Who is on your life journey that will carry you all the way to your death?

This wonderful woman, Emma Owen, impacted so many people and always had people along the journey.  It was evident by the standing room only.  Every story I have ever heard about her was about how she impacted people around her.  Even to her death, she made sure to impact those around her.  She made everyone in her life feel precious and special.

Live your life today as if you have Cancer - because you do!  There is no promise of tomorrow so who is on your journey today?
If you haven't lived your life this way until now.  Stop what you are doing now, get un-busy, and take heart to love those around you.

Here is a song from Hillsong that touches my heart.

Take Heart lyrics

[Verse 1:]
There is a light
It burns brighter than the sun
He steals the night
And casts no shadow
There is hope
Should oceans rise and mountains fall
He never fails

[Chorus:]
So take heart
Let His love lead us through the night
Hold on to hope
And take courage again

[Verse 1:]
In death by love
The fallen world was overcome
He wears the scars of our freedom
In His Name
All our fears are swept away
He never fails

[Bridge:]
All our troubles
And all our tears
God our hope
He has overcome

All our failure
And all our fear
God our love
He has overcome
All our heartache
And all our pain
God our healer
He has overcome

All our burdens
And all our shame
God our freedom
He has overcome

All our troubles
And all our tears
God our hope
He has overcome

All our failures
And all our fear
God our love
He has overcome

God our justice
God our grace
God our freedom
He has overcome

God our refuge
God our strength
God is with us
He has overcome


John 13:34
"Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way Iloved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other."

Blood loss

What a whirlwind the last 13 days or so has been.  I cannot get into great details but my middle daughter has been in and out of the doctor's office for the last 2 weeks.  She was hemorrhaging and they could not get her bleeding to stop.  While scary, there has been a sense of calm in the midst of the storm.  In the middle of an appointment this week with the hematologist, he started asking about Hope's family history.  We started to talk about various bleeding disorders and the doctor suddenly became concerned with my medical history more than Hope's.  Odd...but kind of amusing.  He insisted on taking my blood while he was taking Hope's to at least compare it.

Hope and I showed up to The Cleveland Clinic today to have a lot of blood taken.  For those of you who do not live near here, The Cleveland Clinic is a giant campus with buildings where you need a map to find where you are going.  We finally meandered and found the pediatric wing ( I personally find it amusing that I got to see the Pediatric Hematologist).  We were called back and that very hematologist came out of an appointment and came into our room to oversee the blood draw.  He wanted nothing to be left to chance (Can I be a pediatric patient always?  I promise to pitch a fit like a 2 yr old to make it legit).  While we were having our vitals taken, we saw a boy coming towards us.  He couldn't have been more than about 8 and had a bald head as he was dragging an IV cart beside him.  The nurse told him he couldn't be down where we were because he was sick.  He said he just wanted to play.  Then there was another bald child walking towards us.  Quickly we realized we were in the Pediatric Cancer area.  It could have been very sad.  I mean it is horrible to watch any child be sick to any level.  It especially pains me to see my own children sick.  Here we were ready to get a simple blood draw and these children were fighting for their lives.  There is so much we could take from them.  Their focus wasn't on being sick.  They just wanted to play!  Wow!  If only my sights could be on just today and what was in front of me rather than worrying about tomorrow.  I think we can learn a lot from children.  We left the children and went into our room to have more than 10 vials of blood a piece drawn.  Piece of cake compared to those kids.

I have spent so much time worrying and not enough time enjoying the present. I know it does me no good to worry or focus on things broken.  If I focus on the present and the people in my present so that I can be present in their lives as well, I will be doing what God has asked me.  I know we can all say that we won't worry - but don't we do it anyway?!

On a good note, my daughter seems to be on the mend.  While we await results of the blood tests to check for disorders - I choose not to worry and enjoy what today brings.  I love my family and will do everything I can to pour myself into today and not tomorrow which is not promised to me.

Philippians 4:6
Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

A Talking Head...

This topic has become such a HUGE one for me in the last year.  Let me have it unfold for you.

As we become more technologically sound, I will contend that we become more inept at communicating at all.  The irony in me posting this via blog astounds me - but I will continue.

I have been doing youth work for over 20 years now.  It really started to strike me a few years ago at how much communication was starting to break down.  Kids were filling out job applications online and wondering why they weren't getting a job.  They would break up with one another over Facebook and wonder why their friends knew before they did.  Relationships aren't even official unless they hit Facebook and are "Facebook official".  We spend hours in the car - talking on the phone or texting from the back seat. Why don't we talk to each other????!!! We send e-mail to avoid conflict or to get answers to questions.  While these things all seem benign - I truly contend that we have lost the art of reaching out and truly communicating.  The one that got me last week was the new iPhone 4s.  You can talk to her and she will talk back and often with a little sassiness.  That is cute - but think about it for just a moment.  We talk to our phone but not each other.  We text rather than get an answer or feeling in person.  My own church is one of those where the pastor is on the big screen.  When he actually comes in person, there is a completely different feeling in the room.  I know that my best friend recently had a conference to go to and all of it was simulcast.  Technology is awesome - but we are missing out on ...each other.

I am missing the world!  I think we are all so so lonely.  We are so desperate for connection, that we are tricking ourselves into thinking that things like Facebook, texting and the internet are real.  Yes, they are operated by real people - but we have lost the physical connection.  I would soooo much rather hear someone's voice than see a text.  Do you know how short a conversation can be on the phone vs. texting.  I  have timed it on occasion.  A simple question can be answered in less than 2 minutes on the phone and over 20 on text.  We are wasting time!  Here these efficient machines are misleading us into a lul of thinking we are obtaining more time by being quick.  Truth is - we are losing time with one another.  We are losing time to share our hearts and ultimately time for truth and love.  It is such a clever trick and ultimately a distraction from what we are supposed to be doing.

I need to not waste any more time today.  I am off to enjoy the life I was meant to live.  I am off to stop wasting away.  

“That's why, when I heard of the solid trust you have in the Master Jesus and your outpouring of love to all the followers of Jesus, I couldn't stop thanking God for you—every time I prayed, I'd think of you and give thanks. But I do more than thank. I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength!” Ephesians 1:18 MSG

Lifeboat

I know many of us have heard the following story or a variation of it:


Once, there was a woman who was living in a small city that was suffering from heavy storms. The flooding and rain had become very bad, but she resisted leaving her house. Eventually the conditions were so bad that she was unable to leave her house. She had to wait to be rescued. However, she had great faith in God, and believed that God would come rescue her. As the floodwaters kept rising, she was forced to move to the second floor of her house. Outside the second bedroom window, she saw a canoe float past, and some of the folks from her town were in it. They yelled for her to come with them.

She responded, "No, you go ahead. I know I'll be rescued." So the canoe paddled away in the torrential downpour. The waters rose even more, and soon she had to move to the attic. Not long after she moved, she heard a powerboat outside the window, and the president of her congregation encouraged her to get in.

She responded, "That's OK, really. I believe God has a plan for me." So the president shrugged his shoulders and motored away in the stormy night.

Not long after that, a helicopter arrived and hovered over her house. The pilot yelled over a microphone that they were going to drop a rope, so she could take hold of it to be pulled to safety.

However, she waved them off shouting: "Help someone else. My faith is strong and God will rescue me."

Well, that was the last vehicle to come by, and sadly, not long after that, the woman drowned. When she got to heaven, she had a chance to meet God, and challenging God, she said, "What's the big idea? You told me you were going to rescue me, save me. Why did you fail and let me die?"

And God replied: "Fail you? Fail you!! First I sent a canoe, then a boat. I even sent the helicopter. But no, you refused. Fail you? What did you expect, a miracle?"

I had a friend recently have me look at this a little differently and wanted to share it with you.  Most people look at this as a way to hear God calling you.  Sometimes we do not recognize the signs that He is with us and trying to send us help.  We keep waiting for some miraculous sign when it often comes in simple - every day forms.  This woman kept waiting for God himself to reach down to her I believe.  

However, my friend was sharing with me that she wonders how often we are in the life boat judging the other people that are waving their hands in the air trying to get help.  The other people who might be driving a less than beautiful boat.  The ones who we think are different than we are.  It just made me pause and think about the life boat we might be in.  Are we busy thanking God for a way or busy looking at other boats and other people?

I will be posting quite a bit  from here on out in the midst of absolute chaos.  It will slowly unfold but I hope to show God's grace and humor in the midst of it all.  It will make sense as you follow.  Have a blessed evening!

Suicidal Frogs and other animals...

For those of you that know me, I spend a lot of time in the car. I am often driving the children to and fro. With all the rain recently, I was struck by how many frogs decide to cross the road in the rain. I don't normally see them during the sunshine or when it is dry. I mean - did their pond overflow and they are seeking another? And why do they suddenly decide to cross a road to get to where they want to go? Can they not see giant objects barreling down the road? Do their little frog friends sit on the side of the road daring them to do it? Regardless, I have no idea how many I have hit over the years. I feel moderately guilty about it - but not much I can do. I think the same thing about squirrels. Why do squirrels choose to cross the road right before a car comes? It doesn't make sense. The squirrels even have this goofy thing they do where they squish their butt and tail as they race across the road anticipating getting hit. (I did look up the frog thing and there is apparently some thought that when it rains - they are hopping to go find a mate - I could make all kinds of cynical jokes here but I won't!)

I was thinking about how often we are running towards something. We do not always know where we are going and it is often into traffic. Why? All to find something better. The grass is greener syndrome. Sometimes there is something better but often it is the same old green grass. There is nothing wrong with striving to do better but seeking something different isn't always the best. I've watched this again and again with teens in my youth group. They start dating and then when things start to fizzle or get difficult - they either cheat or cut the cord and move onto the next best thing. I affectionately refer to this as the cornflakes scenario. You get tired of the box of cornflakes you always buy - so you go to the store and look at all the shiny boxes. You notice the new improved awesome prize included cereal and you are so excited to bring it home. Then you open the box and it is still the same box of cornflakes. Bottom line - you often get the same thing and how much pain did you go through to get the exact same thing? Part of why I bring this up is that sometimes we need to be content with where God has us at a given moment. That isn't to say we shouldn't strive for better or to be the best that we can be. It is to say that sometimes God has us move through moments of challenge and difficulty to walk through it with us. We shouldn't be hopping and running to the other side of the road to get away - but to stay in the moment and gain as much knowledge so we truly can be the best we can be. It truly is to refine us and shape us into a better person. Sometimes it comes with pain and sometimes it comes with incredible joy. Either way, we do not need to be suicidal and jump in front of a moving car to seek the best in life. God truly has our best interest at heart and it is up to us what we do with what we have in the moment that we have it.

“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4 NIV

Extreme Couponing...

Okay - I am back people.... I don't know if you have been watching the Extreme Couponing show. It is quite comical. I have recently been couponing and I have saved quite a bit of money. However, I refuse to buy items my family doesn't need even if it is free. Ok, so if you haven't seen the show, I must describe it to you. Basically, they follow a typical shopping trip for an extreme couponer. They show their stockpile of years worth of groceries and everyone oooh's and aaah's. The person usually has 10 grocery carts full and has shopped for hours before getting to the cashier where they are there for another few hours. It is really quite fascinating to see them get a $1000k bill down to like 20 dollars. I sat there for the longest time trying to figure out how some of these less than competent people could do this coupon thing and I can't. I am a pretty smart woman. I surely could do better than they could. Then I started doing research and finding out how they do this crazy couponing. Then I started really watching the show. If you have seen the show, have you seen what they buy?! I don't need 126 pkgs of tic tacs. I don't need 56 three musketeers bars. One lady bought 42 containers of yogurt. I am all for being regular but even I have my limit as to how much yogurt I can eat before it would go bad in the fridge. Do we need 53 bottles of spray glade? The more I sat and watched the show, the more I realized how crazy this whole thing was. The women would justify that they were just providing for their families and not hoarding. I swore if I ever had an over abundance of something that I would donate it to the food pantry. There are so many people in need. It is such a control thing. These people were freaking out if they were down to only 3 months of a supply of toilet paper. They spend 30 hours a week between collecting coupons (sometimes in dumpsters), cutting coupons, and planning out shopping trips - not to mention the actual shopping trips. They would spend 8-10 hours at a store. Can you imagine how effective we would be if we worked that hard trying to share our hearts with other people? Can you imagine the impact we would have if we got our heads out of our computers and spent that 30-40 hours focusing on people around us? If we would only take that same time and spend it in the Word - imagine the answers we would get from God. Wow... I think this scripture speaks for itself: Luke 12:20-21 "Just then God showed up and said, 'Fool!' Tonight you die. And your barnful of goods- who gets it?' "That's what happens when you fill your barn with Self and not God"

To blog or not to blog...

I realize I went MIA for the last few months...there is a reason. I should have blogged through the situation but instead retreated which is my typical method of operation. So here we go...here's the story.

At the beginning of August, Grace (my oldest) came to us and told us that she had a lump on her side. I felt it and it felt odd but I have had friends that have had cysts and so forth before. I knew her immediate thoughts had to shoot to Cancer and such. We did our best to dispel any negative thoughts. We started our trek to figure out just what this thing was.
The first trip was to her regular pediatrician. Her doctor had her lie down and the first diagnosis we got was that it was on her liver. Anything on the liver is bad! She gave us the name of a surgeon and said we needed to get in as soon as we could.
We went to the surgeon and he didn't think it was on her liver and thought it was just an extra floating rib. We had an ultrasound where they couldn't tell what it was, numerous X-rays and a CT scan. Never on the same visit mind you...
So what was the final verdict? Well, the reason they couldn't figure it out was because it is truly bizarre. She has a floating rib piece that is round. The surgeon said that they only find this kind of thing on someone who has had their chest cracked for open heart surgery. This all happened over a period of almost 4 or 5 weeks. Each time we had a test, we had to wait another 3-5 days. I cannot tell you how difficult it was to hear my 16 year old say she was okay with having Cancer because she could be a good witness to other people.

I was so incredibly grateful that she was okay. I didn't want a bunch of people knowing because I didn't want anyone treating her differently. For those of you who know me, I wear my heart on my sleeve. Blogging would have been very very difficult for me to not be honest about what was going on.

There have been so many blessings and fun stories along the way that I wanted to share...
truth is - I should have gone ahead and shared because it was God's journey - not mine. He brought us all through and showed us signs of peace at every corner. It was an opportunity and I missed it in order to protect her.

Thank you to those of you who have asked where I have been...I am back...and grateful for all the blessings!!!